Monday, July 31, 2006

Another Sleepless Night

I cant sleep! I get to move into my apartment tomorrow, and Im just too excited. Okay, thats not true. Im really tired right now, but I havent updated in a while...

I got a BABY kitty, his name is Milo, and he weighs 3 pounds. How cute is that? He likes to cuddle, BUT tonight he is staying with Andrew so I dont have to move him tomorrow and all that. Boomer is snoring on the floor next to me, and I know that I am going to miss him once I am gone. He wont have me around anymore, and I know that I am the only one who REALLY pets and cuddles with him....

Andy gave me flowers at work on Saturday and I was sooo suprised. I kept kissing him, and saying thank you, and then I lugged them around with me wherever I went. I have some pics that I will put up soon. Of my kitty, and the flowers, and all that.

I want to see "The Descent" as soon as it hits theatres. It looks REALLYYY scary!! Which I love a good scary movie!

Umm... What else??? Oh I dont know. I dont know how many people know that I am not heading back to Carroll, but I feel awful that Im not. It just didnt work out that way, and I am so sad about it. I am oging to visit in August I hope, I cant wait.... Okay Okay! Anyways, i am super tired, and I think I will go to bed. I will update later and post some more pics soon.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Update on My Life

I got my *NEW* apartment!!! I get to move in August 1st!!!

Here are some pics:

Jessica and I got into a tiff about nothing, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, she wouldnt let it go. Anyways, she was drunk and talking about how i dont understand her upbringing. I dont understand what its like to be told what to do. No, Jessie, what I DO know is that I was abused, had to worry about what we were going to eat for dinner, and also go cancer. So PLEASE... tell me why you have it so bad, and tell me why its so hard to listen to people telling you what they think you should or shouldnt do. I dont, and still didnt, think it was a good idea to go on a bike ride at 3 AM whilst drunk, and thats why you are screaming at me Jessie? Thats why you are shaking and laughing because you are so mad??? Well, let me add to your anger, youre a total dumbass. There. I said it. Im not taking it back.

Work was especially quick today. Jessi (the cool one) got back from Mexico today and came into see us at Caputos! I miss her so much, she was my lunch bud. Anyways, we had lots of cool stories to trade, talking about Andy, Mexico, and the current Hell we are going through with Living Situations. I missed her so much, and I never thought I knew her well enough to do so. Anyways, shes coming back to work tomorrow for the Farmers Market and then we will see if shes going to KEEP ON working.

A conversationg from a couple minutes ago. (Yes I was eavesdropping... its just so fun)::

"Dont even tell me you are wearing those shorts tonight..." -Jessica
"These are my only clean ones." -John
"Put on other ones!" -Jessica
"I dont have any clean ones."
"Dont even think about being an ass right now John"
"I dont have any other clean pants."
"Go lay out all your pants and I will fucking pick what you are wearing for you." -Jessica.

I think John is mature enough to pick out his own pants, Jessica. But hey, thats just my opinion.

Okay, I am currently living with assholes. I hate this. Im going to stay at andrews for tonight, and then Im going home.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Random Thoughts of the Day

I got Andy all hot and bothered, breathing heavily into his ear and tugging at his shirt... And then I felt like an asshole for keeping him from Duncans wake, so I pushed myself off and made him get ready to go. He puts on his white oxford, nice black slacks, and a belt before he sits down to roll a joint. He pulls apart his speaker, pulls out a cigarette box, and then pulls out the herb before crunching it up and telling me that "its sticky". Getting high before a wake, or funeral is not the best idea, and he knows that, so he makes sure to tell me "its for later". Gosh I think I like him, but at this point I have no idea. There is so much doubt in my head that he is even somewhat interested in me. Im scared of getting hurt again, which sounds lame, but is so true. Im not ready to be heartbroken again.

He cleans up nicely:

For some reason I thought it would be healthy to browse my old blog on I was wrong. This is the blog from a year and a couple months ago, when Andrew and I were first in love. Those feelings of happiness, and extreme love for someone that were once there are gone. My heart aches because the link to his was too tempting and I read his blog as well. There, on the screen, was the proof that he once loved me. Proof that at some point we were happy, even though lately we havent been. I loved him so much that it hurt.

Im not going to live with Jason, John, and Jessica. Its just not working out that way. Its alright though, I am really looking forward to living on my own, and not having to worry about other people. Im tired, my eyes are heavy because Ive been crying. No one has asked me if Im okay. Im not. Ive been thinking a lot, about death and everything. Im completely in denial that a person could take their own life, let alone in a public place such as Duncan. Granted, I dont know how it feels to hate my life so much that it must end. I feel that suicide would be the ultimate failure for me (not for everyone else,) just me. I have come through so much... cancer, domestic abuse, poverty, etc that I cant give up now. I just cant.

But I will say this: I feel that death is by far the most tragic, artistic, and beautiful thing a single person can do. Releasing One's soul into the universe without the physical confines of a body too small for such a big deal. "Im so much bigger than my body gives me credit for," I smile at Andy, kiss him on the cheek and jump out of the car. Run up the front stairs, sit down in the big red leather recliner, and open up my computer.



There arent going to be any pictures in this blog, sadly. The cops are outside as I blog. Underage drinking tickets for ALL... well not me, Jessica, or Andrew... But John, Jason, Ben, and Michael are all-- what we like to call --fucked. We saw the flashlights through the drapes and windows, and when Jessica got up from the recliner to see what it was all about. The screen door creaks open and a man shouts "Police, come outside please. Police." Jessica, confused, asks "What??", and he in turn screams "Police!!!" a couple more times. I havent been drinking because I have to work tomorrow, I tell the Officer, and then he moves on to the next person so he can question them. He tells Jessica, Andrew, and Me that we can go inside and wait, and here we are.... So let me rant while I wait... I found out I might be getting fucked over for the house, and might be getting kicked out of the lease, all because Michael has a vendetta to screw me over. Why do people think that if the add an i in front of anything, its instantly going to be cool? Cause thats not always true.... Like "iPaw????" WTF?! "iRiver" "iZen". Etc. The list goes on. P.S. There is a recliner that is called the "iPod" nowadays. Lame!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Swimming with Pirates

Yesterday, Andrew and I went to the Canyon Raquet Club to hang by the pool. It was cloudy, but the water was perfect. I got in and swam around for a while, and noticed the sun was about to come out. So anyways, we laid out and got some rays. It was awesome! I saw my dads new car, its a Nissan and its badass! It has fatty rims on it. I told Andrew that we cant be friends much longer, because I cant get a new boyfriend if Im still hanging out with the OLD one... you know?

New Boyfriend:

Tonight Andy and I had tons of sushi at Happy Sumo, and chatted away about how much he loves Takashi so much more. Yeah, too bad the wait for Takashi was like.... TWO HOURS... Ewww! I ♥ Happy Sumo. Luckily, I have never had Takashi, so I didnt know what I was missing. Oh, and we saw Pirates of the Carribean Two: Dead Mans Chest, and I wasnt too pleased. The story was ultra-mega-confusing, and it didnt completely come together in the end.... I just dont know where I stand! I mean, they REALLY left it open for a third movie, but it was so obvious, and so BAD.... I just cant figure out what I just saw.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


I found this flower on a tree:

I think its really pretty...

Here's some crappy pictures from my Fourth of July. Apparently, my camera phone doesnt convey the beauty of the fireworks.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Nothing In Your Way

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
why d'you laugh
When I know that you hurt inside?

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?
And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

The Dumb Things I Do

I think Im going to "blog" about the stupid things I do, and the silly situations I get myself into. Im not really expecting anyone to read this, so I suppose its fine to just let loose and write about how blonde I SHOULD be.

For instance:

The above picture is one I took while sitting on the U.T.A. Trax Light Rail System. You cant see it in the above picture, but there are bars above the seats... For people to hold onto in case the train starts getting crazy, if you know what I mean... Well, one day I was sitting on the train, minding my own business, enjoying the sweet tunes from my ipod, when *slip* my arms fit perfectly in between the rail and the bar. Awesome! So Im just chilling, and this guy sits about .5 inches from my arm, when I decide I should pull my arm out of the bar and let him have his space. Uh Oh! My arm is so stuck. I fidget (is that how that's spelled??) for about 5 minutes before I pull out my ear bud with my free arm and whisper "My arm is stuck..." With only the most embarrassed tone in my voice. He yells "What??" (He didn't take out his head phones till after he said What??). I repeat "My arm... Its stuck and my stop is coming up." I laugh nervously. He starts pushing on my arm, as if to force it out. Ouch! I scream. I sit for about 30 seconds trying to make sure no one else is seeing my predicament. 'Think, Nicole, think. Your stop is about 45 seconds away.' I say to myself. Well, I don't know what happened next, or how I figured this out, but I turned my elbow just ever-so slightly, and my arm slid right on out. I nervously laughed, grabbed my backpack, and exited the train. I don't quite remember if I felt glad that I didn't have to mess with the jaws of life, and stuff like that, but I do know that I am glad I wont see that guy EVER again....

Okay Who am I kidding? I will probably see him on the train again sometime.