Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I Heart T.V.

Totally can't wait for the new episode tonight.


THEN!!! Tomorrow is:

Eeeek! Who's excited???


Monday, October 16, 2006

California Lovin'

Andy took me to 'The Pie' the night before my flight.
He showed me something he had worked on, previous to our visit:

He'd carved our initials into the wall,
Amongst thousands of other lovers who had visited before us.
Our initials stood out, fresh and white.

I went to Cali the next day.

Ive fallen in love with my 3 year old second cousin Theo.
Half Korean, Half Mexicano.

Honey (My grandma) bought me some giant white sunglasses.
I'm too nice to tell her white is officially out, and brown is in.
Oh well, I love them all the same.

Heres a picture of me and my Pop:

And here is a pic of my cousins and my Aunt Lisa:

More pics to come.

Monday, October 09, 2006

An Update

Got my hair cut.



Gone!!! All gone! There was some time in between the pictures, so my hair was a bit longer. I lost 11 inches and donated it to Locks of Love. Its really gratifying to know Im helping someone out by getting a simple haircut. More people should do it...

We're pretty much in love, so thats also fun. Im having a really good time with this boy. Hes showing me a lot, that Ive never seen before. Hes taught me that a real man never hurts a woman, emotionally or physically. Hes so cool!!

He gets me flowers:

He takes me to concerts (like the Red Hot Chili Peppers):

But most of all... He just loves me. :)

I'm going to Cali tomorrow. My aunt Bea died. This shit is scary because I feel like Im not going anywhere, Im not growing... And everyone around me is getting older and dying. My mom and dad and Grandparents arent exactly young. I'm two generations away from being alone. Because we all know that Sean's not that much help lately. Im not good at much, but I am good at being young. Dont get me wrong, someday I intend to get older, just not right now. Promise me you wont die. Okay? Thanks.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I want the internet back!

There is no internet at my new apartment, and this is enough to kill a brotha.... Damn, its been so long since Ive been online that once I get over to Andrews, or Jessies, or Andy's the first thing I head for is the internet. Its like air to me. Adam is back from Japan except none of us has seen him, wow big suprise.

Last night I got drunk and rode a longboard tandem with Andy, possibly the worst/best idea ever. I hated every second, but I also loved it. There were 90 or so times where I thought I was headed for certain death, it was ultimately very freeing. There are baby spiders crawling on the computer. Gross.

In my drunken stooper I told andy those 3 little words, that I promised I wouldnt say to anyone ever again (haha). Anddddd to my suprise, Mr.Sober returned them. Hes painting me a picture for my apartment. God he is so cute. I dont think there is anyone out there like him, and that makes him special to me.

Its too hot outside to move, to think, to even begin to daydream. I am praying for rain, or cold weather, or some sort of cloud to shadow us from the intense sun. If I cant go to the pool, there is no reason for it to be this hot outside. There is no reason for anyone to even go outside when it is this hot... Poor homeless people, I bet they are just burning up.

Jan gave all my days away next week, assuming that I would be in Helena the whole weekend. I swear she knew I was only going to be there for a night and be back Saturday. Maybe I will plan it so I can be there a bit longer. I want to. Its going to be so sad to leave. Seriously. I am going to be leaving some of my best friends. At this point Im confused. I dont want to leave Carroll, the more I think about it.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Another Sleepless Night

I cant sleep! I get to move into my apartment tomorrow, and Im just too excited. Okay, thats not true. Im really tired right now, but I havent updated in a while...

I got a BABY kitty, his name is Milo, and he weighs 3 pounds. How cute is that? He likes to cuddle, BUT tonight he is staying with Andrew so I dont have to move him tomorrow and all that. Boomer is snoring on the floor next to me, and I know that I am going to miss him once I am gone. He wont have me around anymore, and I know that I am the only one who REALLY pets and cuddles with him....

Andy gave me flowers at work on Saturday and I was sooo suprised. I kept kissing him, and saying thank you, and then I lugged them around with me wherever I went. I have some pics that I will put up soon. Of my kitty, and the flowers, and all that.

I want to see "The Descent" as soon as it hits theatres. It looks REALLYYY scary!! Which I love a good scary movie!

Umm... What else??? Oh I dont know. I dont know how many people know that I am not heading back to Carroll, but I feel awful that Im not. It just didnt work out that way, and I am so sad about it. I am oging to visit in August I hope, I cant wait.... Okay Okay! Anyways, i am super tired, and I think I will go to bed. I will update later and post some more pics soon.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Update on My Life

I got my *NEW* apartment!!! I get to move in August 1st!!!

Here are some pics:

Jessica and I got into a tiff about nothing, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, she wouldnt let it go. Anyways, she was drunk and talking about how i dont understand her upbringing. I dont understand what its like to be told what to do. No, Jessie, what I DO know is that I was abused, had to worry about what we were going to eat for dinner, and also go cancer. So PLEASE... tell me why you have it so bad, and tell me why its so hard to listen to people telling you what they think you should or shouldnt do. I dont, and still didnt, think it was a good idea to go on a bike ride at 3 AM whilst drunk, and thats why you are screaming at me Jessie? Thats why you are shaking and laughing because you are so mad??? Well, let me add to your anger, youre a total dumbass. There. I said it. Im not taking it back.

Work was especially quick today. Jessi (the cool one) got back from Mexico today and came into see us at Caputos! I miss her so much, she was my lunch bud. Anyways, we had lots of cool stories to trade, talking about Andy, Mexico, and the current Hell we are going through with Living Situations. I missed her so much, and I never thought I knew her well enough to do so. Anyways, shes coming back to work tomorrow for the Farmers Market and then we will see if shes going to KEEP ON working.

A conversationg from a couple minutes ago. (Yes I was eavesdropping... its just so fun)::

"Dont even tell me you are wearing those shorts tonight..." -Jessica
"These are my only clean ones." -John
"Put on other ones!" -Jessica
"I dont have any clean ones."
"Dont even think about being an ass right now John"
"I dont have any other clean pants."
"Go lay out all your pants and I will fucking pick what you are wearing for you." -Jessica.

I think John is mature enough to pick out his own pants, Jessica. But hey, thats just my opinion.

Okay, I am currently living with assholes. I hate this. Im going to stay at andrews for tonight, and then Im going home.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Random Thoughts of the Day

I got Andy all hot and bothered, breathing heavily into his ear and tugging at his shirt... And then I felt like an asshole for keeping him from Duncans wake, so I pushed myself off and made him get ready to go. He puts on his white oxford, nice black slacks, and a belt before he sits down to roll a joint. He pulls apart his speaker, pulls out a cigarette box, and then pulls out the herb before crunching it up and telling me that "its sticky". Getting high before a wake, or funeral is not the best idea, and he knows that, so he makes sure to tell me "its for later". Gosh I think I like him, but at this point I have no idea. There is so much doubt in my head that he is even somewhat interested in me. Im scared of getting hurt again, which sounds lame, but is so true. Im not ready to be heartbroken again.

He cleans up nicely:

For some reason I thought it would be healthy to browse my old blog on I was wrong. This is the blog from a year and a couple months ago, when Andrew and I were first in love. Those feelings of happiness, and extreme love for someone that were once there are gone. My heart aches because the link to his was too tempting and I read his blog as well. There, on the screen, was the proof that he once loved me. Proof that at some point we were happy, even though lately we havent been. I loved him so much that it hurt.

Im not going to live with Jason, John, and Jessica. Its just not working out that way. Its alright though, I am really looking forward to living on my own, and not having to worry about other people. Im tired, my eyes are heavy because Ive been crying. No one has asked me if Im okay. Im not. Ive been thinking a lot, about death and everything. Im completely in denial that a person could take their own life, let alone in a public place such as Duncan. Granted, I dont know how it feels to hate my life so much that it must end. I feel that suicide would be the ultimate failure for me (not for everyone else,) just me. I have come through so much... cancer, domestic abuse, poverty, etc that I cant give up now. I just cant.

But I will say this: I feel that death is by far the most tragic, artistic, and beautiful thing a single person can do. Releasing One's soul into the universe without the physical confines of a body too small for such a big deal. "Im so much bigger than my body gives me credit for," I smile at Andy, kiss him on the cheek and jump out of the car. Run up the front stairs, sit down in the big red leather recliner, and open up my computer.



There arent going to be any pictures in this blog, sadly. The cops are outside as I blog. Underage drinking tickets for ALL... well not me, Jessica, or Andrew... But John, Jason, Ben, and Michael are all-- what we like to call --fucked. We saw the flashlights through the drapes and windows, and when Jessica got up from the recliner to see what it was all about. The screen door creaks open and a man shouts "Police, come outside please. Police." Jessica, confused, asks "What??", and he in turn screams "Police!!!" a couple more times. I havent been drinking because I have to work tomorrow, I tell the Officer, and then he moves on to the next person so he can question them. He tells Jessica, Andrew, and Me that we can go inside and wait, and here we are.... So let me rant while I wait... I found out I might be getting fucked over for the house, and might be getting kicked out of the lease, all because Michael has a vendetta to screw me over. Why do people think that if the add an i in front of anything, its instantly going to be cool? Cause thats not always true.... Like "iPaw????" WTF?! "iRiver" "iZen". Etc. The list goes on. P.S. There is a recliner that is called the "iPod" nowadays. Lame!